A New Year

So it's been a while since I have posted. I think partly because I like helping others more than asking for help, but there you go.

My big dilemma this year was what to make my new year's resolution: to get in really good shape or to get my grades significantly higher. I told my friends it is both and I got an earful about how you can only have one resolution.

On the one end I am not pleased 100% with my looks.. I mean I think other people see me ok, and I dress fairly well (kind of new-age fashion, lots of leggings, stomach belts and cardigans) but on the other hand I still am not as skinny as those around me. I mean i exercise fairly regularly and still don't lose the weight, but I'm not trying to be a swimsuit model (cannot tan!!). The big thing for me is that I just want to be that little bit skinnier, and I need to work really hard if I want to do it. I know I can deep down, I just always "treat myself" when I'm on a diet with exercise and then the large number of treats defeats the purpose of the exercise. Yet somehow I still get mad at my body for not losing fat.

On the other hand, I have an important academic career to look after. My parent's don't put a whole lot of pressure on me because I am naturally smart but I don't know if that is a good thing (the lack of pressure or the natural intellect). I know that there's a lot to look forward to as far as school goes, and I have my eye on a couple good schools. My ex accepted an offer to a really good school that I kinda wanted to apply to as well. He say's it would be kinda weird us going to the same school but there are 20 000 other people on campus so I don't think it will distract me. I do find myself wanting to do better than him though, which I am not sure is healthy or not. I also find myself competing against those who I would describe as my close friends, or no apparent reason. I am not sure if I feel whether I want to be better than them in general or just prove that I can be as smart.

In the end though I have to pick one. Any suggestions would be great. haha

As far as my family life goes, the holidays were not as bad as I thought but still lonely at times. I did end up having a nice warm vacation which was enjoyable.

As far as my love-life goes I would say its about the same. I still can't figure my ex out because he talks to me as if he doesn't like me but when talking to his best friend the other day he said my ex was still in love with my like mad. Which sucks, because I am with him too..